My coach and I have this discussion almost every month or so at the end of a lesson. We talk about how the exercise that I just completed would have mentally defeated me 6 months ago. How the height of the jumps and the difficulty of the course that I was doing now would have made me freeze with anxiety back then. And though I may not have gone through the exercise flawlessly this time, the real victory was that I was able to work through it.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I do agree with what she’s saying. But there are other times that I can’t see my improvements. There are times where I don’t believe that I’ve progressed at all. That I’m still riding the same way I was 2 months ago. I’m so happy that I started filming my lessons as of April 2019. Because sometimes, it’s only when I look back and watch those past videos that I can see what my coach is talking about. I can watch myself slowly conquer my anxieties and gain more confidence.

So I thought that I would share some of these videos with you. Starting with the first video which was filmed in May and June 2019, the second in October 2019 and the third in November 2019. While you watch these videos (though the quality may not be the best) I want you to see just how much you can progress without really noticing it. I didn’t see how quickly my confidence grew until I looked back. And that means that if I can do it, you can do it too. Don’t beat yourself up!

What are my riding goals for 2020?

Well, after conquering my horse show anxieties last year, I’d like to see what I can do when I really go for it. See, last year we went to a handful of schooling shows. I entered into the hunter ring on a jumper horse. I didn’t care about placing. I cared about getting over my nerves and experiencing the show atmosphere again. I mean, it was my first time competing as a young adult. I never competed as a teenager (unless horse camp counts haha). So, the last time I ever competed at a proper horse show was back in grade 5. That’s a long time ago!

This year, now that I know what to expect, I want to push myself further. I want to enter the jumper ring and compete on the Silver level circuit jumping in the 0.9m division. Will I point chase and try to make it to championships? I’d like to, but it’s too early to say. I’ll see how the first few shows go, if my bank account will accommodate it and if I think I have a fighting chance against the other competitors. I may not be the most competitive person out there, but I always strive to better myself as a rider instead of looking and watching everyone else.

This year, I want to be less hard on myself.

I think that it’s healthy to want to grow and improve. I mean, that’s what the first part of this blogpost is about! But it can become dangerously unhealthy if you start obsessing over your progress. If you start becoming your worst critic.

I’ll wave my hand up in the air here and admit that I am guilty of being extremely hard on myself. I see where I want to be and I try to get there as soon as possible. But then I beat myself up when I can’t get a smooth lead change because I’m not focused on the fundamentals of riding.

This year, I want to work on changing that voice in my head. I want to celebrate the mini victories and analyze my difficulties. Not discourage myself and tell myself that I’m never going to make it. Because that’s not productive. Instead, I want to cherish every time I get to be in the saddle and have fun. I want to be proud when I complete a course instead of being upset that I turned a corner incorrectly or had the wrong pace.

I want to remind myself of how amazing my progress is especially as someone who only rides twice a week and doesn’t own a horse.

It’s like I mentioned in my last goal, I over-analyze and it prevents me from progressing. So instead of staying stagnant, I want to push myself to accept those opportunities. Even if they take me out of my comfort zone. I think that’s why competing is an important goal of mine this year. It’s a small effort in getting myself in front of others instead of staying in the shadows.

I don’t know what this year has for me. But I’m hopeful and I’m keeping my mindset positive. I think that this year will be the year of change. Especially in my equestrian career. I guess we’ll see where life takes me.

But before I go, I’d love to know what your goals are. What would you like to accomplish? What are your struggles and how did you progress from them?

To take us all back to the introduction of this post, I’d highly recommend filming your rides if you have the opportunity to do so. Not for the recognition on social media. You don’t even have to post them online. But film your rides for yourself. See just how much you progress without noticing it and let it encourage you forward. Let your progress influence your future goals and see just how far life will take you!

Until next time, happy riding!